The Missing Link
I like squirrels.
I think they derived from dinosaurs. They even look like dinosaurs, minus the largeness, the scaly skin, and pretty much the entire body structure. In fact, I think squirrels are actually the missing link, and not the web-footed fish toad thing they found hidden in the earth’s crust. The very answer was running around in our backyards, chasing each other like monkeys on meth up and down our trees. Speaking of that, have you ever seen the way they can totally walk down the bark? I mean, their bodies are completely vertical, facing the ground. That’s crazy, man. And besides, I’ve seen Ice Age. Both of them, in fact. And they have that little squirrel dude with the big teeth running around trying to eat the impossible acorn. Looks like Pixar Studios had the ”missing link” info well before the likes of us. Kudos to them.
I sat down the other day and did an inventory on all the ways I am like a squirrel:
1. Squirrels like to live in trees. I live in a house, made of wood, which comes from trees.
2. Squirrels like nuts. I have nuts.
3. Squirrels have long bushy tails. I don’t have a tail, but always thought it would be cool if I did.
I saw a dead squirrel in our back yard one time. I tried to perform CPR, but it just didn’t quite work. I mean, I had the training and everything. The last time I went through CPR class, though, I had to work with a male dummy. For years, I had been saving Annie, and to tell you the truth, they looked quite similar. Same facial features, same slightly parted mouth, same ugly 1970’s jogging suit. And I felt bad when I was done. Here I had put my mouth on this guy for ten minutes, and I didn’t even know his name. I felt like I just used him.
Now the jogging suit brings up some interesting questions. It seems to me every CPR dummy wears one. Naturally, I come to the conclusion that exercise causes heart attacks. This is why I have banned it from my lifestyle. Besides, if we want to make the CPR dummy more realistic, shouldn’t he be wearing a business suit, shirttail untucked, and barbecue stains on the front of his shirt?
Anyway, I like squirrels.
I think they derived from dinosaurs. They even look like dinosaurs, minus the largeness, the scaly skin, and pretty much the entire body structure. In fact, I think squirrels are actually the missing link, and not the web-footed fish toad thing they found hidden in the earth’s crust. The very answer was running around in our backyards, chasing each other like monkeys on meth up and down our trees. Speaking of that, have you ever seen the way they can totally walk down the bark? I mean, their bodies are completely vertical, facing the ground. That’s crazy, man. And besides, I’ve seen Ice Age. Both of them, in fact. And they have that little squirrel dude with the big teeth running around trying to eat the impossible acorn. Looks like Pixar Studios had the ”missing link” info well before the likes of us. Kudos to them.
I sat down the other day and did an inventory on all the ways I am like a squirrel:
1. Squirrels like to live in trees. I live in a house, made of wood, which comes from trees.
2. Squirrels like nuts. I have nuts.
3. Squirrels have long bushy tails. I don’t have a tail, but always thought it would be cool if I did.
I saw a dead squirrel in our back yard one time. I tried to perform CPR, but it just didn’t quite work. I mean, I had the training and everything. The last time I went through CPR class, though, I had to work with a male dummy. For years, I had been saving Annie, and to tell you the truth, they looked quite similar. Same facial features, same slightly parted mouth, same ugly 1970’s jogging suit. And I felt bad when I was done. Here I had put my mouth on this guy for ten minutes, and I didn’t even know his name. I felt like I just used him.
Now the jogging suit brings up some interesting questions. It seems to me every CPR dummy wears one. Naturally, I come to the conclusion that exercise causes heart attacks. This is why I have banned it from my lifestyle. Besides, if we want to make the CPR dummy more realistic, shouldn’t he be wearing a business suit, shirttail untucked, and barbecue stains on the front of his shirt?
Anyway, I like squirrels.
posted by Ima Poemer at 1:00 AM
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