The Marathon Man

I have a friend who is obsessed with jogging. I mean it. Obsessed. He runs all the time. Sometimes twice a day. And I'm not talking about just around the block. I'm talking about thirteen miles or more at a time. And when he's not jogging, he's talking about jogging, or online chatting with his jogging friends. He recently qualified for the Boston Marathon.

He attributes his success in jogging to me. Apparently one time, long ago, he told me he was going to start jogging. Now, you must understand, he was a pudgy little fella. Not built like a jogger at all. More like a baker. Maybe a butcher. Even a candlestick maker. But definitely not a jogger. So I did what any good friend would do. I laughed at him. I told him there was no way he was going to run. He'd never make it twenty yards.

Well, that made him mad. He called me a big poo-poo head. (He has quite the potty mouth, believe me.) So he bought a jogging book, an expensive pair of running shoes, some exercise outfits, and off he went. He hasn't stopped since. And he said it all started when I told him he couldn't do it. It was just the fuel to the fire he needed. Now I'm his biggest cheerleader, except I don't wear the costumes.

Well, not very much.

The Day After Thanksgiving

I was in Walmart this morning at 7:00 AM. Apparently the day after Thanksgiving is like this incredibly wired shopping day when people just go ballistic trying to find the best deals. And there are supposed to be these secret clearance items that the store is basically begging to get rid of, so they jack down the prices.

So I woke up early because I wanted to witness this event. Rumor has it that fighting sometimes breaks out, and people get nasty as they scrape and bite to get the products. The closer the store gets to running out of the goods, the louder and more obnoxious the shoppers become.

As I drove to the store, the anticipation of seeing some good down-home psychotic shopping was almost too much. I parked the car, jumped out, and practically ran into the sliding glass doors. I dashed inside the store and headed for the electronics section, where the best fights are supposed to go down.

I turned the corner and saw people being civilized. They were waiting in line. They were being patient. There seemed to be enough TVs and DVD players to go around. There was no screaming, no punching, no bad behavior. I stood around for ten minutes before leaving.

How disappointing.

Yes, another blog

It must be tiring for the blogspot people to see yet another blog pop up.
They must be like, "Oh great. Another loser has joined the ranks of blogdom. Wonder what kind of drivel this nutcase will create for our enjoyment?"
Well, I must confess, I'm not here to disappoint.
I will do my best to pontificate utter absurdities on a daily basis.
It's the least I can do.
Certainly not the best, at any rate.