at the lake

she stands, strong and dark
surrounded by the lapping of waves
against her smooth skin, feeling neither
the cold of the water or the sand on her feet
only the pride that comes from being
a woman.

The Third Wheel

This is my ode to the third wheels out there.
You know who you are.
You're the one who tags along when your friend
goes out on a date.
You're the buffer zone.
Without you, the date would go south in a hurry.
It would be on a southbound train for somewhere
Way down south…like Antarctica.
Can you get any more south than that?
I don’t think so.

Ladies, you’re girlfriend brings you along
Just in case the guy she’s dating
Turns out to be a nerd, a jerk, or a pervo.
In that case, you instantly become
the "sick" friend, the "tired" one,
the "party pooper", the scapegoat.
You're the one who comes to the rescue when the
date goes down in flames.

And guys, you’re brought along for one reason only.
I’m sorry to have to break it to you.
Seriously, you’d better brace yourself.
Your friend feels sorry for you.
He knows if you didn’t tag along, you’d be sitting
home alone with a can of Cheez Whiz watching
Cribs and thinking, “That’s gonna be me someday.
I’m gonna buy me a big house with a pool and a
Jacuzzi and stuff. I’ll be bigger than Flava Flav!!!”

So you tag along and sit
in the back seat of the car
with your hat on backwards
singing along to the radio
and bustin’ out the rhymes
while they hold hands and flirt.
You sit on the other side of the
booth at the restaurant quietly
munching on your fries
while they feed each other.
You sit at the movie theater
laughing at all the right parts
while they neck in the dark.
And when the date turns real steamy,
you're the one to get dumped off at the curb,
with a few donated bucks for a taxi ride home.

At that point, you have officially become
THE THIRD WHEEL.


(work in progress...more to be added later...comments welcome)

The Missing Link

I like squirrels.

I think they derived from dinosaurs. They even look like dinosaurs, minus the largeness, the scaly skin, and pretty much the entire body structure. In fact, I think squirrels are actually the missing link, and not the web-footed fish toad thing they found hidden in the earth’s crust. The very answer was running around in our backyards, chasing each other like monkeys on meth up and down our trees. Speaking of that, have you ever seen the way they can totally walk down the bark? I mean, their bodies are completely vertical, facing the ground. That’s crazy, man. And besides, I’ve seen Ice Age. Both of them, in fact. And they have that little squirrel dude with the big teeth running around trying to eat the impossible acorn. Looks like Pixar Studios had the ”missing link” info well before the likes of us. Kudos to them.

I sat down the other day and did an inventory on all the ways I am like a squirrel:
1. Squirrels like to live in trees. I live in a house, made of wood, which comes from trees.
2. Squirrels like nuts. I have nuts.
3. Squirrels have long bushy tails. I don’t have a tail, but always thought it would be cool if I did.

I saw a dead squirrel in our back yard one time. I tried to perform CPR, but it just didn’t quite work. I mean, I had the training and everything. The last time I went through CPR class, though, I had to work with a male dummy. For years, I had been saving Annie, and to tell you the truth, they looked quite similar. Same facial features, same slightly parted mouth, same ugly 1970’s jogging suit. And I felt bad when I was done. Here I had put my mouth on this guy for ten minutes, and I didn’t even know his name. I felt like I just used him.

Now the jogging suit brings up some interesting questions. It seems to me every CPR dummy wears one. Naturally, I come to the conclusion that exercise causes heart attacks. This is why I have banned it from my lifestyle. Besides, if we want to make the CPR dummy more realistic, shouldn’t he be wearing a business suit, shirttail untucked, and barbecue stains on the front of his shirt?

Anyway, I like squirrels.

early morning

The dog sits at the front door
tips of fur wet with the
glistening dew
and paws dark with
morning mud.
He has completed his business
and wants back inside
with promises of wiping
his feet on the rug
before working his way
across your nice
forty-six cents/square foot
linoleum-tiled floor.

cemetery

Sometimes I am jealous of the dead...

the search continues

I can't find my mind today.
Have you seen it?
Will you help me look?
I remember I used it
late last night when trying to
figure out how much
sleep I was going to get
if I actually went to bed.
But I'm not sure if I did.
All of the sudden,
it was morning
and I'm at work,
and I don't have
a clue what is going on.
Can you help me?